@desea Dunno if I can offer you that much advice really ...
But still have a huggie
(sadly did not have a neomoth to hug I hope a cat is fine too...)
Brainworms can sure be bitches. Always digging the worst perceived or otherwise. Spiraling is so easy sometimes. All I know is that it takes time to change I guess.
Some stuff about yourself though is very very hard to change (sometimes even impossible even? I dunno)
We all have our shortcomings. Its just a matter of finding people who won't judge only by that though.
Transfolk sure does not have it easy I see
Just do your best desea!