sometimes i get flashbacks when lexi is angry at computer. it’s like that feeling you get when someone is about to lash out at you and all you can do is duck and cover (figuratively). or parents are mad at you, there’s nowhere you can go to be safe from their anger and they don’t care how terrified you are.
i know she’d never take it out on me and i have nothing to be afraid of but it doesn’t help

in trauma therapy, the phrase “inner child” comes up a lot, and i’m starting to feel that’s a very apt description. because i found that what really helps in those moments is to retreat, hug the blåhaj lucy bought for me, and remember situations where i felt like the terror was over and i was safe and loved. it’s a bit like a childhood version of myself running to her mother, who would embrace her and tell her it’s okay, that she’s safe and doesn’t need to worry. it feels like i’m being cared for and having those feelings acknowledged by someone i can trust, and it’s often so cathartic that i start crying

i think doing this is also helping me relax and fall asleep. which is good because i don’t want to rely on stims for that all the time…

@mia It is very good to hear that stuff is going upwards for you

But man mental health surely can be a bitch ey. I have so much respect for you mia. Going through all this, writing about all this and still being there to give helpful advice to others. Much respect.