This past weekend just showed me that the queer-community is so awesome

I mean there is still stuff I need to wrap my head around and really need to nail down to not misgender people (accidentily I know its bad it just happens cause brain is dumb... ). I am working on that front.

You know sometimes I do feel like an imposter or something that should not fit in here. Feeling not "queer enough". I know thats bullshit but sometimes that thought still happens.

But what I really love about the queer-community, that I should see myself as a part of already, is how honest and open people in it talk about themselves.

Be it about mental health (we all know the brainworms), gender (expression) or attractedness to other beings. The queers talk about stuff so openly how " normal" people never would do. And I think that is great. That might fix quite some problems if anyone could talk so openly about themselves.

I got to talk to a non-binary person from my tabletop-group yesterday. Had them explain some stuff to me about gender identity, gender expression as well as physical and emotional attractedness.

The gender identity and gender expression stuff is quite easy for me now as looking into myself because of the crossdressing made that clear to me.

I identify as as a male individual for sure (which does corrospond to my sex at birth as well). And I will express myself in a masculine way. The way I give myself and express myself also does not change all that whether I wear my normal male or the fem clothes. I just think of myself as more attractive and cute in fem stuff. So I guess it does atleast help me with being more confident lol.

Now with the attractedness stuff things get more complicated to me. Like I can clearly tell you I am physically attracted to women. I dunno about the rest tbh. Like looking at men physically does not do it for me.

Though there is some stuff that pops into my head when it comes to sexual stuff (I really dunno if thats the right word here lol)

I do have trouble to express these feelings into words for you atm. Like I wanna feel desired and taken care for. I dunno how much I would care for if the person is male female, something else or nothing else.

Emotionally I could likely attach to anything that gives me a feeling of being seen, being valid and okay just the way I am. Someone that helps me out in difficult situations, helps me grow but also someone I can give something back to aswell.

I generally also seem have more problems to converse eith women than men. And people like rick for example make me really feel safe with them. I can totally be myself, talk about my passions with him and don't get judged for it. I really like spending time with people like him. Just wanting me to be my best.

I also feel I can be more open with men kinda. Maybe cause I did never converse with women all that well I dunno.

I think could attach to various people emotionally I am treated like I said above. Yet physical attraction is limited to women.

And then there is some fetish stuff which adds even more weirdness to the mix. So I am kinda lost a little bit on that front.

So I am attracted to women only but could emotionally attach to anyone likely that treats me right? What a weird combination.

Well I guess the musings on that stuff will continue in my head lol.