@desea so, I've got really really curly hair, and yeah, can relate to having it yanked into with a brush by parents, it's probably the reason I flinch when anyone goes to touch my hair, anyway
I've found that detangling in the shower is the best option overall, at least for my hair type, wet and soft makes it much easier to avoid damage and to untangle the hair correctly, after-shower care with oil to keep the hair moist and avoid damage (and avoiding using heat and stuff) can help avoid split ends (which are the largest cause of tangle and knots in curly hair)
also cutting off any split or damaged ends and getting trims fairly regularly helps majorly with keeping things manageable, easy to detangle and soft
also after showers pressing dry with the towel instead of rubbing dry makes a bigger difference than you'd imagine
for hair oil (or oil-replacement products) I find "heavier" ones keep my hair in particular a lot more comfortable, so shea butter, coconut oil, etc tend to work best for me, I've also found a few oil-replacement creams that work pretty well (mostly from pantene) for my hair
though simply buying a large amount of deoderized shea butter was fantastic, it works very well, has minimal smell, is pretty cheap if you can find it at a "DIY beuty supply" type store, and doesn't feel oily at all after you put it on (because it solidifies at room temp, to apply it you rub it between your hands to melt it with friction)
so, uh, yes, hair care,
in the same way that caring for each other is important, caring for one's hair is too, because it makes things more comfortable