Just doing a bit of writing might help me out right now I guess?

Got reality checked again with baseball-bat by numbers from our controlling department. It sure is great for mental health to hear that you are working to slow and having the evidence on hand as well to back that one up.

Basic premise is that work tracking how many tax declarations we turn over (basically going from the declaration to a proper tax notice) each month for any given team. To further get to know how we stand any given month personally we shall record any declaration we finish into a notice for ourselves and then turn them in to a anonymous list. Just so we can keep track of how stuff is going for ourselves.

we basically split our team in two or maybe three ways. There is one split between declarations from "normal" workers and stuff like businesses, rental income and other stuff like that.

The part that does workers shall turn around more cases than the rest since its generally easier (with certain exceptions).

The cases for business and stuff are splitted again into easier stuff and more difficult cases (I am here!)

Overall the quota is to turn around an average of about 3-4 per day or about 74 a month.

Data shows that our team is not hitting the numbers when it comes to cases with businesses, rentals, pensioners and the like

Well I am pretty sure I am part of the problem, since I do struggle to meat my quota... Which is kinda dumb to think about. Atleast thats what my recordings tell me.

Now I feel a little beat down over it. I mean yeah its not only my fault but I ain't helping the problem...

I mean sure I did take on that new position 4 months ago and changed office as well. So surely there is some effiency to be gained with more experience, but I dunno if thats enough. Seems like the "easy way out" and "looking for something else" as the cause of my problems.

Doesn't really help that I was never that fast of a worker in my field anyway. There is always a tradeoff between speed and quality and I generally tend to lean to the side of quality, which I sometimes think is not valued enough in my current position but I do also get you need to make numbers so taxation stays "profitable" and work does not stack up and you end up with a longer and longer turnaround-time...

Its a struggle for sure. And I am having my doubts again if I am really the right person for the job. Doesn't help this is an ongoing problem....

For now I guess I should focus more on work when at work (and browse less on the smartphone, man I might need to work on that lol) Seems like a good place to start atleast.

Thank you for coming to my rant today.

@stefan
Yeah, new work sucks... I'm still not used to mine.. Really slow etc.. So i know that feeling well..

Also yeah it sucks ass that in most positions its quantity over quality, i reallt really hate it

I try to not let this trough to me, but yeah sometimes it doesn't work well (you know my complaints )

Feel hugged, tomorrow is a better day

my brain really tends to whack itself over this stuff at work. I do generally want to do a good job. And a lot of my self-worth tended to depend on me doing a good job in something, mostly academically though.

Like you know... I never had all that much going for me in the past. Finding friends and socializing was kinda difficult for me. I did always have some kinds of friends. Not many but still. I always struggled with finding someone for a "proper" relationship. Finding a partner is hard man. And me thinking I am just weird when it comes to dating does not help at all.

You do really start feel like a failure in life really quickly when you think about it. But I always had that one beacon keeping me up a tad. Academia and generally being a good student.

I used to get hurt a lot more even earlier in life when I was told I was not doing a proper job or not doing well. I guess something that kinda haunts me to this day a bit. Though I would break down the most when I was told I did something wrong, tried my best to be better but still not being enough. That breaks me really quickly. While I might think I do a good job the reality might not be that. And getting confronted with the same issue again breaks me real quick.

I did atleast managed to work my way out of that rut. As in taking that stuff slightly better.

I still do tend break down a little when I am told I am not doing good in the one thing I proud myself on. Like today. I do tend to go down self-depreciating thoughts rather quickly. Also why I am writing this as it kinda helps me sort my head a little.

To build myself up again I tend to think about the things that seem to be going well for me.

- I did manage to find friends, people I seem to mean atleast something to. People that even might want to spend time with me. (Like fedi-meet on the last weekend ). People I like talking and that may like to talk to me.
- I moved out from home and things seem not to be a total mess in my flat. I even manage to cook fresh meals many days (if I am not super lazy lol). Like its nothing to fancy or special but fresh atleast. I do generally manage to sustain myself.
- I do generally like my job. It does give me a small sense of purpose that I can work to keep the state afloat. So I do think I do an important job.
- the team I am working with directly and the people in the office in general are nice people. I like being around it makes work more bearable even through the kinda pressure that exists.
- I do look forward to other cool stuff as simple as getting to read a cool book, TRPG sessions with people I like or even conventions.

All in all I still think there is room for improvement for work, but beating myself up over it ain't helping